She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
