Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
