oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
