Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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