I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
