He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
