State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
