I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
