Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
