question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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