Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
whose parrot is this?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
