my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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