I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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