just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
