Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
