Sry I called you an 8
id be glad to
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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