I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
