airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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