My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
