Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
