I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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