You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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