we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
