We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
