I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
