my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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