i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Soap is not a condiment
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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