On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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