dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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