Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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