Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
