The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
sex in a hospital.. check
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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