so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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