i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
