didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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