if you like me you must not know who I am
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he fucked my hip out of place.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
