I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
