Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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