You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
