i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
