I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
