i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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