i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
