Kiss
Puke
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
