I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize