you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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