when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
