I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
