half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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