are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
