I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
