I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
