i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
50% drunk capacity currently
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
